Etiquette

In my years of tinnitus-courting eardrum abuse I've been to a good number of metal concerts, and I've often been tempted to write down an actual guide to mosh pit etiquette. Too many kids going to metal shows for the first time have no clue how to do this, and there are rules for the general safety and enjoyment of everyone present that should be observed.

How to mosh:
1. Most importantly: SAFETY FIRST! If someone falls, help them up. Don't hit anyone who is not on their feet. No one wants to be that guy that died in a mosh pit at a slayer concert... actually that's a bad example.
2. NEVER throw the elbows. It's a dick move.
3. Hit other moshers with your shoulders as hard as you want, so long as they are in the act of moshing. Do not go charging into people on the edge of the mosh pit, unless...
4. They are standing on the edge of the mosh pit and are pushing people who have not hit them first. This is a dick move also and it is perfectly appropriate to pull these little bitches into the melee.
5. Do not stand on the outside edge of the pit and expect to remain unscathed. You will be hit by flying bodies, just push back and deal with it.
6. NO SKANKING within a 3 mile radius of anywhere where anyone is playing metal. Ska is the antitheses of Metal.
7. Don't kick or throw punches. That shit might fly at a hardcore show, but come on... hardcore is fucking stupid.
8.. Girls in the mosh pit should expect the same treatment from other moshers as guys. No exceptions.


When to mosh:
1. If there is an acoustic instrument playing at any time, it is NEVER appropriate to mosh. Unplugged sets are totally not metal.
2. If double kick drums are being used at any time, it is ALWAYS appropriate to mosh. Nothing is more metal than double kicks.
3. Observe the three-fifths compromise: If more than three fifths of the band members have hair longer than their shoulders, it is appropriate to mosh. Female band members are exempt from this rule, as are anyone with dreads, mowhawks, liberty spikes or a shaved head, and none of these shall be counted in the forming of the longhair-to-square ratio.
4. If vocals are being growled (as opposed to screamed) it is appropriate to mosh.
5. Moshing stops between songs.
6. When the fucking metal singer tells you to fuck some shit up, do it.
7. You may momentarily stop moshing to furiously headbang or play air guitar or drums if one of the following things are played:
a) a finger-tapping guitar solo,
b) a bass solo,
c) an unaccompanied double kick barrage, or
d) a guitar riff that sounds like murder.


Appropriate Attire:
1. Leather and metal spikes have been an integral part of metal's wardrobe since Judas Priest was gigging around Birmingham. Up to two wrist bands with spikes and up to three spiked belts around the waist are acceptable, but anymore spikes than that is an unnecessary hazard in the mosh pit. A wrist band shouldn't exceed 3 inches in width, anymore than that and it 'aint a wristband anymore.
2. Medieval armour is awesome and totally metal, but you should never come to a show like that and expect to mosh.
3. NEVER take your shirt off. That's just gross.
4. Jeans and a black T-shirt are always acceptable. Bonus points for wearing a hilarious or obscure band T-shirt.
5. Makeup or corpsepaint is acceptable, but just remember that you look ridiculous.

Live by this code and the headbangers of the world shall dance in Valhalla and drink the blood of posers.